A loved one recently asked me what do I do when things get really hard mentally? When things get hard anytime mentally, there are a few different things that help for me. Below are some things that have helped me over the years.

1) I take a few calming breaths (count to 4 or 5 breathing in and 7 or so to exhale). There is science behind the calming impact of this breathing method.

2) I focus on what I can control. Examining what thoughts make me sad then determining my own personal truth about them helps me. For example, I may ask, “why do bad things happen to good people,” and acknowledging that it makes me sad, process that emotion and let it out (like cry or write), and then remind myself I can’t control most times what is happening out in the world. And I can’t control peoples choices around me. What I can control is my life and actions. If I do my best – offering love and kindness to myself and others, then I am doing my part to be love and light in this world. And being a light in the world is brightest and most powerful when you are being the light through darkness and pain. When we feel weakest is often when we are actually being the strongest. It helps me to stay focused on what I can control, which many times is just me. Thinking that way helps me stay peaceful.

3) I self-talk and remind myself I might as well make the best of all things and moments. Each moment is mine to choose how I will live it. So, if it is the past, future, or anything I don’t like that’s making it a hard time mentally – I instead make lists of things that are positive. Examples of positive things I list are that I’m blessed to have consciousness, food in my belly, a place to sleep comfortably, family and friends, love in general, a beautiful world around me with magical stars in the sky and green grass all around, books to read, music to listen to, and much more. I also think of the song “My Favorite Things” from the move, The Sound of Music,” and I sing that that song or “The Fruit of the Spirit” song.

4) If it is night and my goal is to sleep, I manifest joy and peace in my spirit by telling myself that is my state of being. I tell my self how relaxing and rejuvenating sleep is and remind myself how much I enjoy it.

5) For sleep, reading or listening to positive audiobooks usually helps me go to sleep too. Playing simple games like Wordscapes or a word search, or coloring (hard copies or digital apps), or solving classic puzzles (I love the Jigsawscapes app) are things I love for relaxing to go to sleep.

6) In general, not so much for sleep but for mental joy – I turn negative thoughts into positive ones. If the thought “work is so confusing,” comes to my brain and then something like “hopeless” comes to mind – I observe those thoughts. They are thoughts but do not have to be my state of being. And I can choose to accept and be controlled by them or to transform them. Then I say to myself instead, “well, I do my best and I am glad to have the opportunity to try. Actually I have come very far and do a great job. I can do this.”

If I start to feel sad or think sad thoughts, I see and observe them and any related emotions. I acknowledge if they need to be processed – maybe I beat on a pillow to process them. Maybe I draw wild doodles to channel out the unwanted thoughts and emotions. I often write things out. When I was in a tough season, journaling what happened and why I was sad and crying a whole lot until it finally started slowing down helped.

There is a quote, “the only way out is through.” The book What Happened to You? helped me process sadness and confusion. After that, the book The Art of Happiness helped me make peace. I let everything process but I don’t let negativity linger – I redirect again to positive thoughts and actions. I list things I’m grateful for and I often list positive things people have done for me and positive things I can do for people.

7) I consume positivity. I eat healthy foods the best I can and foods that bring me joy. Very importantly I also watch, read, listen to, and talk about positive things. I love positive podcasts, meditations, prayers, and ebooks. The positive content and links I share on my website and social media are examples.

8) Prayer, meditation, and breath work or yoga which includes even simple calm stretches are all helpful for me. Regardless of worldview or beliefs, prayer and mediation can be wonderful for anyone. Prayer can be directed to “God, the universe, my higher self, my subconscious self, cosmic intelligence, creator or creators” and can go something like “dear creator or my inner or higher self or anyone positive who may be hearing this – I want to say thank you so much for consciousness. Thank you for existence, for food, for water, for creativity, for love, for the planets, for the stars, for life, for learning, for experiences. What an adventure, thank you.”

If I am confused about anything I might describe the thing that perplexes me, such as, “Why is there pain or bad behavior in the world? It makes me sad. It is hard to watch and I wish I could fix it for me and for all beings. If there are answers and ways I can help, please use me as a vessel to help create Heaven on Earth. I send deep prayers and wishes of love and goodness for all. I thank you for the answers I am given. I am open for answers you bring me. And while there are many things I can’t understand, thank you for the freedom to choose my own outlook on each moment. Thank you for this moment where I can speak to you. Thank you for my list of things that are positive, good, and wonderful (like air, water, sunshine, people I love, myself because like all things I am wonderful and deserve love, trees, art, music, each new day, learning). I will continue to think about and talk about those things to be a light and help spread positivity within myself and in the world. Amen.”

9) Therapy and being able to speak to others can help too. There are some great personal and group therapy options out there like BetterHelp or Inner World by Jewel.

May there be healing for all. I have walked through very dark times myself and I send so much love to anyone in a dark time. Today I think what a miracle it is to be here, to be conscious. Life is like a puzzle – I operate within my surroundings and certain rules, but I get to choose the picture of my essence and my life that the puzzle is becoming. And I choose love, joy, and peace. May your spirit be healed, my greatest prayer for you is to find peace and joy. ❤️